September 27th, 2010 / 3 Comments
Ever feel there is some anger or resentment, or just negativity in your children towards you?
No matter how young or old your children are, no matter how close you may be, living day to day together under the same roof can result in relationship problems.
There are misunderstandings, words said that you regret, anger expressed inappropriately, disappointments and failures. That’s not unusual.
And there is an easy way to dissolve the resentment and not allow it to overtake your family dynamics.
Occasionally on a semi-regular basis, either at bedtime or over a nice meal, I have a heart to heart talk with each of my children, in private.
“I try my best to be the best mommy to you, but I know I’ve hurt you without meaning to. The thing is, I don’t even know what I did to hurt you. I want to be a better mommy to you. Can you tell me what I’ve done that has hurt you?”
Now remember, it’s not going to be pretty when your child tells you how you’ve failed. Perhaps you think your child misunderstood you, maybe he’s got it all wrong. But this is not the time for you to explain yourself. This is not the time for you to correct his perception.
This is the time to just listen and see life from your child’s point of view. From his 4-foot tall angle, what do you look like to him?
Then simply acknowledge your mistakes and apologize to your child. “I’m sorry I said that.” “I’m so sorry I did that.”
Then simply ask, “What can I do instead?”
This is the time to listen more, and talk less.
A regular heart to heart talk like this clears the air and is step forward to a happy home of no regrets.