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Is Abstinence Realistic?

March 30th, 2009 / 10 Comments

Is abstinence realistic?

This is a common topic of discussion, most recently triggered by Bristol Palin’s statement that “abstinence is not realistic at all.”

If a teenage couple go out on a date, the girl is dressed in a tight low-cut blouse and low-rise pants, and they go see a romance movie, then end up at his house with no one home, is abstinence realistic?

How about a teenage couple who dresses modestly, goes out with a group to miniature golf, and goes home where the parents are there to serve them snacks and play board games, is abstinence realistic?

I know many teenage couples who has made the decision to act like the second example, and yes, abstinence is realistic.

I recently met a 20-something beautiful girl who has a rule of never going out on a date alone with a man. She brings a friend along and make it a group date.

People say the culture has changed. It’s unrealistic to expect teens to go on group dates. But who is to say you have to follow the culture? Who says dating has to be one-on-one in the evening?

Abstinence is not merely “not having sex.” It is more about how a person chooses to live his/her life that makes abstinence realistic or unrealistic. It’s a matter of having a principle, and choosing to live by that principle.

I am encouraged by the comments from many teens on that affirm waiting until marriage.

If group dates, or having family around at home is unappealing to you, and you choose to put yourself in a situation where the lure of sex will most likely be too strong for you to resist, then abstinence is not realistic.

The choice for abstinence is decided before you go out on that date, not when you are in the car.

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  1. Thank you, thank you!! I am so glad to read an article like this. Abstinence is totally realisitic & needs to be taught to our youth, & our schools need to support this!!

  2. kris: Thanks for your support of abstinence.

  3. Thank you, Katy, for speaking up on this subject and for speaking up for the young people who believe that abstinence is realistic. I agree, it’s all a matter of making the decision before you go out on the date…and for parents who discuss the topic with their kids.

  4. […] Lee, at Adventures in Parenting, has some good insights on this topic in the post, Is abstinence realistic? Image: […]

  5. Great article! I agree with the comment you left on my blog – it is not a one time discussion! Open communication should be the rule of thumb, with on-going talks and question. and answers.

  6. I agree, it’s all a matter of making the decision before you go out on the date…and for parents who discuss the topic with their kids.

  7. Great comments! You know, I was just readin this book, 30 Ways in 30 Days to Save your Family, and abstinace is a huge topic that the author discusses. It’s all about sitting down and having the conversation with your kids, and then creating an environment for them so they can follow through with the lessons you’ve taught them.

  8. […] instance, over at Adventures in Parenting, they broach this subject matter in praise of those who have made the choice to wait. Good job […]

  9. Abstinence is not unrealistic. I am a teenager right now. If you dress immodestly, go see a sexy movie, then wind up at his place alone with closed doors – then yes, it is unrealistic. But avoid the occasion of sin and bam.

  10. Thanks Vonzell, for your teenager perspective.


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