When losing is good
May 22nd, 2008 / 3 Comments
Is it always bad to feel bad?
Today’s post is the first in a series about how negative situations can in fact be good for our children.
Whether your kids are in soccer, basketball, football, or any other competitive sport, it’s hard to stand by and watch your children lose, isn’t it?
My cousin’s son plays competitive tennis. She told me that she nearly has a heart attack every time she watches him play a match. It’s hard for her to see him lose especially when it’s down to the last games in a close match.
As a parent, don’t we wish our children never have to face the disappointment of losing? Weren’t there times when you wish you could take away their pain?
Hard as it may be, losing can be a good thing. When you reflect back at your own life, you’ll find that the greatest periods of personal growth are also the periods of your greatest struggles.
Here are just a few lessons our children can learn through losing:
1. Humility. When you think you are the All-Star, losing is a reality check, not a bad thing.
2. Empathy. When you have a perfect season, you forget how to be nice to those you defeated until you lose a few yourself.
3. Maturity. Babies throw tantrums when things don’t go their way. It’s a sign of growth when you can take curve balls and not complain.
4. Perseverance. Losing makes you strive harder, to have greater commitment, and not be complacent.
Now I’m not saying that we are going to create losing situations for your children. We just need to stop protecting them too much. This is what I mean:
1. Do not argue with the empire/referee when he makes a questionable call against your child or his team. (We’ve all done it seen it happen.) We always tell our children, life is not fair. Let’s model that and accept some unfairness. If your child’s team loses because of a bad call, it’s a learning experience. It’s better than ruining the spirit of the game and modeling a bad temper.
2. Do not make your child feel like he has to win every time. “You made some stupid errors in that game. What happened to you?” Hey, sometimes they win, sometimes they lose.
3. Emphasize sportsmanship, whether you win or lose. I played high school tennis, and I was awarded the Sportsmanship trophy one year. That’s the trophy they give to those who loses a lot 🙂 It’s no shame to lose if you tried your best and lose gracefully.
Read the next post in this series – When it’s good to feel sad.
Comments
Hey this really resonates with me, Katy, especially “Do not make your child feel like he has to win every time”. I’ve just come from the morning’s tennis matches for my oldest son. He lost and his team captain lost and it was so wonderful to watch them joke about losing and have fun with it:
“Oh you only lost 6-1? Well done, you scored one more game than me!” and they high-fived each other with a giggle. The three of us parents standing right along the sideline all held our tongues when one of our guys received an obviously bogus linecall and let the boys sort it out like gentlemen. Was so much more enjoyable than the team we versed a while ago who threw tantrums and had parents involved in the match etc.
Good lessons here, pal!!
Thanks for sharing a great example, Pete! Very proud of your son.
It’s funny because we say that it doesn’t matter, but my daughter is her own worst critic. She struck out in softball the other day and you would have thought the world came undone. She cried all the way to the dugout to get her glove and take the field. She’s been this way for a long time, since she was little! She takes every mistake personally. It’s taken me 10 years to learn NOT to use those encouraging words like “it’s ok, don’t worry about it. Everyone strikes out. blah blah blah”. She recovers faster when you just say nice try and let her deal on her own.
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