Adventures in Parenting

Would you agree that you’ve made some mistakes as a parent?

Of course we all know the answer to that question. Everyday I make mistakes that I wish I could do over.

I should have not yelled at my kids. I should have gone to support my daughter’s band competition even though it was pouring rain. I should not have been so rough with my son when he got a bad grade.

While we cannot turn back the time, we can make some amends by apologizing to our children.

Take each of your children aside separately. Say something like, “Johnny, I need your help with helping me be a better parent. I want you to be honest with me. I promise I won’t get mad at you. I realize that I’ve made many mistakes as your mom. There are some things I wish I can un-do. I want to have a chance to apologize to you for anything I’ve done that have hurt you. Can you tell me those incidents when I have hurt you?”

It may surprise you what your children will say. As a woman in my 40’s, I can still remember some harsh words that my dad said to me when I was in elementary school. I am sure he does not remember it. He has no idea the demoralizing impact his words had on me. Sure, I have moved on, nevertheless, it would bring me some healing if I can hear my father apologize for his mistakes.

So it is with our children. We are probably unaware of what hurt them, or what they remember. Fortunately, children are very resilient. They do not remember all our mistakes, I hope. Otherwise, you might be apologizing for several days!

I have found that children are pretty accurate in their perceptions. They know when we discipline them fairly, and will not hold that against us. It is when our actions and words are unjustified or excessive that hurt them. And we should eat humble pie and apologize.

Once when I asked my daughter to tell me of my mistakes, she said she couldn’t think of anything. That made me felt like the perfect parent! But I am not deceived. It is only because my daughter has a short memory and very gracious. But at least I know nothing in particular stuck in her mind.

I said to my daughter, “Honey, I know I have not been the perfect parent. I apologize for the times I’ve hurt you. Would you help me to be a better parent by telling me when I do something that is not right?”

When we are able to clear the air by apologizing to our children, they will not have this nagging pain in the back of their minds as I have with my dad. I believe this will go a long way in helping our children grow up to be healthy adults.