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The job description of a parent

March 13th, 2009 / 4 Comments

“The whole idea of caring for children was to keep them from doing stupid, dangerous, wicked things that could not be undone, until they learned enough self-control and good judgment that they could be expected to make their own decisions.”

That did not come from a parenting book. It’s actually quoted on page 226 of the book titled Rebekah. Orson Scott Card, the science fiction author of the popular Ender’s Game series, fictionalizes the circumstances around the life of Rebekah in the Bible.  I just finished reading this book. It made me laugh, it made me angry, and it made me cry.

In the story, when a servant girl was flirting with a shepherd, one of the women responded, “Oh, let girls be girls.”

However, Rebekah steps in to stop the girl’s behavior and expresses her wisdom with the above quote. “The whole idea of caring for children was to keep them from doing stupid, dangerous, wicked things …until they learned enough self-control and good judgment…”

Doesn’t that describe our job as a parent?

No laissez-faire parenting here.

This job description of a parent brings up 3 thoughts to reflect on:

1. Our care for our children goes beyond making sure they do well in school or making sure they are “happy.” Are we teaching them not to be stupid, dangerous, or wicked?

2. All children, because of their immaturity, will be stupid, dangerous, or wicked at one time or another.  Are we vigilant in keeping an eye on them?

3. It takes courage as a parent to stop our children’s stupid, dangerous, or wicked behaviors. Are we willing to take a stand against what is wrong? Or do we have the attitude of, “Oh, let kids be kids”?

I highly recommend the book Rebekah. It’s an easy read, and there’s much more to learn about parenting from Card’s fictional life of how Rebekah was raised and how she raised her twin boys Esau and Jacob. Of course, the ending is no surprise, but the perspective is refreshing.

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Comments

  1. I had no idea Card had written a book like that. How cool!

    And that is a great description of our role. We were chatting at a dads group this week and one of the points we kept coming back to is “kids by definition are immature.” It’s what they do 🙂 – so we have to be careful both to excuse that immaturity but also to resent it. They will grow up and we get to strongly influence the way it happens. That’s our responsibility.

    Good post, Katy!

     
  2. I’m all for “let kids be kids” but when it comes to meaness or hurting someone, then I definitely step in. I think early intervention is the best way to prevent future situations.

     
  3. Pete: Thanks. Card also wrote one on Sarah and Rachel. I have not read those.

    Kailani: Early intervention is a good term to use!

     
  4. I agree with you quote “Our care for our children goes beyond making sure they do well in school or making sure they are “happy.” Are we teaching them not to be stupid, dangerous, or wicked?”

    As i am a parent, i can understand how our children’s performance would be in school, and how much our guidance working on them. your article is really good and a parent can only understand

     

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